Warm glow feeling

No matter how old you are, there are times when you have that 'warm glow' feeling that leaves you suddenly smiling despite everything.

I think we have all experienced this feeling sometime or the other in our lives. I have been extremely fortunate in this regard. I experienced it when I got a mail saying "You fascinate me" . When a younger colleague remarked I was one of those ageless entities that would never really grow old, when another one attributed her success in life to me and several other occasions.

This Valentine's morning was another one

I was tearing my hair out since last night, because this year I have to file taxes in 3 countries. And a sudden mail popped up on my screen, telling me that I was the sender's first valentine. And I was enveloped by that 'warm glow' feeling.

In appreciation for this feeling, I felt obliged to walk down memory lane to that point when I became his 'first valentine'

I was by no means a promiscious person and perhaps 28 at that time. I had been owlish, wise and intense till I fell hopelessly in love at 25. The relationship was doomed from the beginning, being one of those triangular ones and I was the outer vertix of the triangle. As it happens with owlish intense people, getting out of this relationship was extremely painful. I was literally an emotional wreck and lived from moment to moment silently celebrating anniversaries of every moment in the last two years that had passed.

God has blessed me with many good friends. They surround me like his angels when I am especially alone. My friends, stood by me, took me out and brought me news of a guy who wanted to be introduced to me. And thus I met this guy whose first valentine I was. Though he looked older, he was quite a few years younger than me, 4 or 5 I do not remember. All I remember is that I did laugh quite a bit and went to see a movie with him. And I think I began to be enveloped by a 'warm glow' feeling.

This went on for about a week or 10 days. Again I do not remember. It was a short and sweet thing. It broke up one day when the guy confessed he was not looking at permanency of any kind, he was too young for it.

I was already feeling quite used by this time and though I could appreciate the guy's honesty, did not want to be involved in any 'casual fling'. So I broke it up with apparently some immature acts like paying back my share of the movie ticket. I also wanted to make a clean break so avoided all phone calls and attempts to connect. It was, I believed ( and still do) in our best mutual interest.

Several months later, with all my single girl friends married and I still single, I got into a depression. I had a few blackouts and was ordered to rest. My door bell rang one such gloomy evening and there was my valentine, telling me not to shut the door on his face and that he had only come to say goodbye.

After that he called me every year on my birthday for a few years. I never expected these calls and used to be pleasantly surprised by them and experience that warm glow feeling.

We lost touch and went on with our lives. I on my part am totally immersed being a good wife to my wonderful husband and mom to even more wonderful kids. They shower me with love and respect and I am certainly not deprived of any of these good things. Of course, I do occasionally spend some of the passion on my work :)

But when recently thanks to internet and facebook I connect with some old friends, some memories of the past come by I feel good. I stop the 'spot running' momentarily to smile and get enveloped by that 'warm glow' feeling