Ever since Kali Potti got us to keep a Black Book - which I promptly renamed Confidante, I used to pen down my reflections of the year gone by and my resolutions for the New Year. I did that till I reached Kota and then stopped... From last year, I started again. No resolutions... just reflections. A good way to take stock I think. So here are relections on 2009 for this family
Almost everything that I wished for in 2009 came true...save two wishes. Winning a lottery and getting to 64.5 kgs.
I still think the former is more possible than the latter.
For Ameeth this year was more stable though he continued to be dogged by a frozen shoulder. I think he was really pepped up after his India trip, because it opened up new possibilities.
I started the year with a long update to friends and family. And enjoyed doing it so much that I started an outreach program this January and connected with so many of my old friends and associates from all my past lives. I have had many lives. Bellary-Dharwad-Kota-Delhiand the Tata group and New Jersey. I was aided by Facebook and Linked In of course. That was really wonderful.
Much had happened to us in 2008. Comparatively 2009 had less ups and downs, in many ways even unremarkable. I think what was most remarkable for both me and Ameeth this year is the realization that we can make most of our dreams come true. And thats a good way to start a new year.
As we enter 2010 however, there are new things that will happen. Arijit will go to high school, I may be in a project out of Canada and we will move house closer to Isha's school. What I am looking forward to most of all is the school reunion in Bellary in August
And of course..there is an important announcement I have to make. We have added two new members to the Dasgupta family - Chimpy and Chompy Dasgupta. Right now we are getting to know each other and soon we will be posting their pictures on Facebook. Isha is their foster mother, and Chimpy seems to have inherited some of her traits..Chompy is an active little creature bullied relentlessly by Chimpy much like his foster uncle Arijit.
We expect Chimpoy and Chompy to impact Isha's life most of all, I know all of you think she has grown up. And she does- overnight like a weed. But she still is the little baby of the house and is cuddled and totally spoilt . With this move, we are hoping she will become more responsible. Motherly, she always was.
Thats the short update then! Happy New Year to all of you and may it bring you all you wish for!
Friday, December 25, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
Arranged Marriages
Yesterday I watched Vivah on Zee TV and then was subjected to a barrage of questions by my kids on what had happened when I met their Dad. This made me go back to my unfinished project ( the book that I will one day complete) and open the chapter on suitors. I had actually contemplated writing a book on this topic once upon a time.
I was very contemporary and always thought I would have a love marriage. When I was 28 and this was nowhere in sight, a well intentioned friend advocated placing a matrimonial ad.. So we drafted one creatively and placed the ad.
And then I was having quite a few interesting correspondences with eligible bachelors from the army, from the medical forces, from some corporate houses.
A doctor from UP was the first to come ‘see’ me. On the day he was supposed to arrive at about 10, the doorbell rang at 7 and there he was just to tell me he had arrived and would be back on schedule.
I made a mess of the lunch which he sportingly had and at the end of the meal, signified his approval of the match. I was to put it mildly, quite overwhelmed. I hummed and hawed and said we did not really ‘know’ each other and maybe we should give it a month.
In the month that followed, there was no word from him. And so I put his picture in an envelop and posted it back to him. Almost by return mail the picture came back with a letter from him telling me he had given me a month because he thought I needed to think and to look at his picture and deliberate. If pictures could talk, I would have
There was a doctor from the Army who I exchanged mail with who was quite sure I would be bored in the armed forces. He was right I think.
And there was a professor I met in a bookshop. I had no idea how he looked and he had set up a code. I was supposed to ask, “Excuse me do you have the time on you?” to anyone I thought was him and if it was him, he would say, “Yes and the inclination too”. . We had coffee in the India Coffee House on Janpath and I enjoyed his company immensely but could not imagine being married to him. I think the feeling was mutual. We used to write to each other for a time after that.
Then there were some creepy ones like the one from a newspaper group. He looked decent was a vegetarian and a teetotaler who called himself a Sai Baba bhakt. But we later heard some not very pleasant stories about him.
I think I was pretty unsensitive to some too. There was a guy who came around to see me one afternoon who I just did not meet. I hid in my friend's house till he went away. And some were insensitive to me. Like the guy I was supposed to meet in Mumbai on my way to Lonavla. Though I made a special stop in Mumbai, he did not do so.
There was a guy my mom really liked, but I did not because I put him up in a hotel and arranged for a day out and the guy just accepted it all as hospitality. In hindsight, maybe there was nothing wrong with that. But I thought it not manly enough. I guess it is a constant process of evaluation in arranged matches. Sometimes you think you are done with your evaluation and presume the other has too. You let down your guard too soon.
Like when I was asked to go spend a day with a prospective MIL in Gujarat. The house was full of stuffed toys which she made. Not only that, cootchie-cooed with. I think I failed that evaluation, because my transparent face may have shown my wandering thoughts on how to deal with the stuffed toys issue if this thing progressed further.
At 33, I was sure I was going to be a spinster forever. And was wondering how I could be a sweet old un-embittered one.
And then I met my future husband
I thought he was a thoroughly pleasant chap. My only objection was that he was too fat. My mom told me that could be easily taken care of. She must be eating her words to this day. Because all of us have grown fat with him.
We did not decide immediately of course. He came down to meet me Standing on the banks of the river Chambal , I felt utterly comfortable in the thought of being married to this man and spending my life with him. This was the feeling that was missing with all the other guys I had seen so far.
I was very contemporary and always thought I would have a love marriage. When I was 28 and this was nowhere in sight, a well intentioned friend advocated placing a matrimonial ad.. So we drafted one creatively and placed the ad.
And then I was having quite a few interesting correspondences with eligible bachelors from the army, from the medical forces, from some corporate houses.
A doctor from UP was the first to come ‘see’ me. On the day he was supposed to arrive at about 10, the doorbell rang at 7 and there he was just to tell me he had arrived and would be back on schedule.
I made a mess of the lunch which he sportingly had and at the end of the meal, signified his approval of the match. I was to put it mildly, quite overwhelmed. I hummed and hawed and said we did not really ‘know’ each other and maybe we should give it a month.
In the month that followed, there was no word from him. And so I put his picture in an envelop and posted it back to him. Almost by return mail the picture came back with a letter from him telling me he had given me a month because he thought I needed to think and to look at his picture and deliberate. If pictures could talk, I would have
There was a doctor from the Army who I exchanged mail with who was quite sure I would be bored in the armed forces. He was right I think.
And there was a professor I met in a bookshop. I had no idea how he looked and he had set up a code. I was supposed to ask, “Excuse me do you have the time on you?” to anyone I thought was him and if it was him, he would say, “Yes and the inclination too”. . We had coffee in the India Coffee House on Janpath and I enjoyed his company immensely but could not imagine being married to him. I think the feeling was mutual. We used to write to each other for a time after that.
Then there were some creepy ones like the one from a newspaper group. He looked decent was a vegetarian and a teetotaler who called himself a Sai Baba bhakt. But we later heard some not very pleasant stories about him.
I think I was pretty unsensitive to some too. There was a guy who came around to see me one afternoon who I just did not meet. I hid in my friend's house till he went away. And some were insensitive to me. Like the guy I was supposed to meet in Mumbai on my way to Lonavla. Though I made a special stop in Mumbai, he did not do so.
There was a guy my mom really liked, but I did not because I put him up in a hotel and arranged for a day out and the guy just accepted it all as hospitality. In hindsight, maybe there was nothing wrong with that. But I thought it not manly enough. I guess it is a constant process of evaluation in arranged matches. Sometimes you think you are done with your evaluation and presume the other has too. You let down your guard too soon.
Like when I was asked to go spend a day with a prospective MIL in Gujarat. The house was full of stuffed toys which she made. Not only that, cootchie-cooed with. I think I failed that evaluation, because my transparent face may have shown my wandering thoughts on how to deal with the stuffed toys issue if this thing progressed further.
At 33, I was sure I was going to be a spinster forever. And was wondering how I could be a sweet old un-embittered one.
And then I met my future husband
I thought he was a thoroughly pleasant chap. My only objection was that he was too fat. My mom told me that could be easily taken care of. She must be eating her words to this day. Because all of us have grown fat with him.
We did not decide immediately of course. He came down to meet me Standing on the banks of the river Chambal , I felt utterly comfortable in the thought of being married to this man and spending my life with him. This was the feeling that was missing with all the other guys I had seen so far.
Twilight Zone
It can be the most peaceful time of the day, depending on whether its twiilight before dawn or twilight before the night.
I like the twilight that comes with dawn, when the whole house is sleeping and I tiptoe downstairs to take a peek at my Google mail and have a quick cup of tea. It's also time when I take stock, of my life, the day before me and the what's running out in the kitchen and needs to be replenished. If I feel extra energetic, I also try and connect with my Source energy and everything seems to be possible.
Its amazing how much I get done in that 30 minutes - kids' lunch bags, kids' breakfast, putting away the dishes from the dishwasher,my own breakfast, cooked and devoured, checking my mail, my finances and putting things in as much order as I can. In those 30 minutes, I feel like the superwoman I am.
Then I look at the clock and break the silence and magic of the moment - GOOD MORNING KIDS! ITS WAKE UP TIME - And usually, all hell breaks loose while I rush into the bathroom and out again, straight out of the house - leaving the beginnings of the third world war behind me.
I like the twilight that comes with dawn, when the whole house is sleeping and I tiptoe downstairs to take a peek at my Google mail and have a quick cup of tea. It's also time when I take stock, of my life, the day before me and the what's running out in the kitchen and needs to be replenished. If I feel extra energetic, I also try and connect with my Source energy and everything seems to be possible.
Its amazing how much I get done in that 30 minutes - kids' lunch bags, kids' breakfast, putting away the dishes from the dishwasher,my own breakfast, cooked and devoured, checking my mail, my finances and putting things in as much order as I can. In those 30 minutes, I feel like the superwoman I am.
Then I look at the clock and break the silence and magic of the moment - GOOD MORNING KIDS! ITS WAKE UP TIME - And usually, all hell breaks loose while I rush into the bathroom and out again, straight out of the house - leaving the beginnings of the third world war behind me.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
What's the big deal?
Those who know me know that I am rather irreverant of standards...but sometimes I really wonder what is the Big Deal about things.
Here I am sitting on the bench, waiting for my next project to come along. My company is kindly paying me my salary in return for the odd responses to proposals they pull me into at nights and on holidays. One morning some people came to work, they were sent an invite by their bosses..and laid off. No big deal. Just like that. And could happen to anyone any day.
Today I was sent a mysterious invite "Discussion" it said. Now today has been one of my upbeat days. I have stuck my hand out and introduced myself, got myself embroiled in 3 proposals and am feeling generally important. One of the VP's I have earlier accosted in the corridor comes and asks me for my card and I hunt around in my wallet and actually find one and give it to him.
Rather ironic it has to be today I think as I am told I need not wait and can come in right away. So I go in. And am asked to explain something. My card on the table! Still can't figure out until I am told. I had given out my Tata card! My old card!. Apparently it had gone down very badly. And upset a lot of people. How could I have done that? I had to make a written explanation explaining the reasons for doing this. I sat there and tore up my card thinking ... So this is a Big Deal. Probably is too. May not be very evident to a socially handicapped person like me. Is it to you?
Here I am sitting on the bench, waiting for my next project to come along. My company is kindly paying me my salary in return for the odd responses to proposals they pull me into at nights and on holidays. One morning some people came to work, they were sent an invite by their bosses..and laid off. No big deal. Just like that. And could happen to anyone any day.
Today I was sent a mysterious invite "Discussion" it said. Now today has been one of my upbeat days. I have stuck my hand out and introduced myself, got myself embroiled in 3 proposals and am feeling generally important. One of the VP's I have earlier accosted in the corridor comes and asks me for my card and I hunt around in my wallet and actually find one and give it to him.
Rather ironic it has to be today I think as I am told I need not wait and can come in right away. So I go in. And am asked to explain something. My card on the table! Still can't figure out until I am told. I had given out my Tata card! My old card!. Apparently it had gone down very badly. And upset a lot of people. How could I have done that? I had to make a written explanation explaining the reasons for doing this. I sat there and tore up my card thinking ... So this is a Big Deal. Probably is too. May not be very evident to a socially handicapped person like me. Is it to you?
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
The first snowfall of the season
There's something about the first snowfall of the season.
Despite the winter blues, the short days that mean you are driving back in the dark even though it is only 5.30! there is something about the first big snowfall of the season.
The day before ... people leave the office early hurriedly grumbling about the nasty weather to come. Mothers worry about how the kids will manage the walk back from school in the snow. Kids wonder if they will have a day off.
And then - the heavens drop a white blanket on the world silently at night and despite all the problems the snow will bring to your commute and your frostbitten fingers and noses, you have a smile on your face when you look at the pure sheets of white.
There is no need to rush the kids for school, the snowpants and snowboots come on- even though it is just 5 inches of snow.
Later, you see gloved hands, bare hands all picking up the soft fluffy stuff. Snowballs go plopping across! The less daring ones pick up the snow, look at it lovingly and aim snowballs at their imaginary friends on the pavement. The shyest kids also have these wondrous smiles lighting up their faces.
Even though the snow is already melting, snowmen come up...perspiring ones.
Overnight the snow will freeze, turn to black ice, even I will have to walk gingerly like a model so as not to slip and fall; be extra careful while driving so that the car does not skid...but that is tomorrow. Today, everything is beautiful
Despite the winter blues, the short days that mean you are driving back in the dark even though it is only 5.30! there is something about the first big snowfall of the season.
The day before ... people leave the office early hurriedly grumbling about the nasty weather to come. Mothers worry about how the kids will manage the walk back from school in the snow. Kids wonder if they will have a day off.
And then - the heavens drop a white blanket on the world silently at night and despite all the problems the snow will bring to your commute and your frostbitten fingers and noses, you have a smile on your face when you look at the pure sheets of white.
There is no need to rush the kids for school, the snowpants and snowboots come on- even though it is just 5 inches of snow.
Later, you see gloved hands, bare hands all picking up the soft fluffy stuff. Snowballs go plopping across! The less daring ones pick up the snow, look at it lovingly and aim snowballs at their imaginary friends on the pavement. The shyest kids also have these wondrous smiles lighting up their faces.
Even though the snow is already melting, snowmen come up...perspiring ones.
Overnight the snow will freeze, turn to black ice, even I will have to walk gingerly like a model so as not to slip and fall; be extra careful while driving so that the car does not skid...but that is tomorrow. Today, everything is beautiful
Friday, December 04, 2009
Real People and Real Problems
All of the last two weeks I have been fretting - because the insurance company refused to extend our coverage and because I am sitting on the bench with little to do.
Such trivia fills up our mind and pulls down our moods in a way the world appears to be black. Until we encounter real people with real problems. Then we know how blessed we are!
We have in Mississauga a neighbour - who was also our neighbour in New Jersey. A wonderful outgoing couple with an active social life. They go camping and park trekking and are always busy. Two sons, one with Downs' syndrome and the husband with a history of cancer in the kidney 4 years ago.
I got back from a high school open house 3 days ago and got a call from the lady of the house. Her husband's symptoms had returned she told me. Could Ameeth accompany them to the emergency?
All my problems flew out of the window! Fortunately the symptoms were due to a severe infection. But then I look at this family. How they pour life into every living moment. Do they complain? The only thing you hear them complain about is the lack of time, because they are so busy filling up the minutes with memorable moments.
Here's another story. A colleague who is an Indian. He had the temerity to expose a bureaucrat many years ago. He was hounded out of his country. And here he sits calmly smiling and telling me how he keeps his blood pressure down and leads an active life.
And then we have my daughter's dance teacher. She lost her entire family in the Kanishka air crash in 1984. 60 + years old and at least 10 times more agile than I! A spring in every step and not a wrinkle on her face.
These are real people. With problems larger than any I ever had! They inspire me and make me thank God for my blessings - My wonderful family my husband and my kids! Kids who make me proud when I listen to their teachers talk about them!My larger family- I still have parents who cook me my favorite dish every once in a while and my mothers magic fingers still can massage a migraine away from my head. Friends who God knows why think the world of me! My life, my health, my job and enough resources to help out those that need my help.
Such trivia fills up our mind and pulls down our moods in a way the world appears to be black. Until we encounter real people with real problems. Then we know how blessed we are!
We have in Mississauga a neighbour - who was also our neighbour in New Jersey. A wonderful outgoing couple with an active social life. They go camping and park trekking and are always busy. Two sons, one with Downs' syndrome and the husband with a history of cancer in the kidney 4 years ago.
I got back from a high school open house 3 days ago and got a call from the lady of the house. Her husband's symptoms had returned she told me. Could Ameeth accompany them to the emergency?
All my problems flew out of the window! Fortunately the symptoms were due to a severe infection. But then I look at this family. How they pour life into every living moment. Do they complain? The only thing you hear them complain about is the lack of time, because they are so busy filling up the minutes with memorable moments.
Here's another story. A colleague who is an Indian. He had the temerity to expose a bureaucrat many years ago. He was hounded out of his country. And here he sits calmly smiling and telling me how he keeps his blood pressure down and leads an active life.
And then we have my daughter's dance teacher. She lost her entire family in the Kanishka air crash in 1984. 60 + years old and at least 10 times more agile than I! A spring in every step and not a wrinkle on her face.
These are real people. With problems larger than any I ever had! They inspire me and make me thank God for my blessings - My wonderful family my husband and my kids! Kids who make me proud when I listen to their teachers talk about them!My larger family- I still have parents who cook me my favorite dish every once in a while and my mothers magic fingers still can massage a migraine away from my head. Friends who God knows why think the world of me! My life, my health, my job and enough resources to help out those that need my help.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Warm glow feeling
No matter how old you are, there are times when you have that 'warm glow' feeling that leaves you suddenly smiling despite everything.
I think we have all experienced this feeling sometime or the other in our lives. I have been extremely fortunate in this regard. I experienced it when I got a mail saying "You fascinate me" . When a younger colleague remarked I was one of those ageless entities that would never really grow old, when another one attributed her success in life to me and several other occasions.
This Valentine's morning was another one
I was tearing my hair out since last night, because this year I have to file taxes in 3 countries. And a sudden mail popped up on my screen, telling me that I was the sender's first valentine. And I was enveloped by that 'warm glow' feeling.
In appreciation for this feeling, I felt obliged to walk down memory lane to that point when I became his 'first valentine'
I was by no means a promiscious person and perhaps 28 at that time. I had been owlish, wise and intense till I fell hopelessly in love at 25. The relationship was doomed from the beginning, being one of those triangular ones and I was the outer vertix of the triangle. As it happens with owlish intense people, getting out of this relationship was extremely painful. I was literally an emotional wreck and lived from moment to moment silently celebrating anniversaries of every moment in the last two years that had passed.
God has blessed me with many good friends. They surround me like his angels when I am especially alone. My friends, stood by me, took me out and brought me news of a guy who wanted to be introduced to me. And thus I met this guy whose first valentine I was. Though he looked older, he was quite a few years younger than me, 4 or 5 I do not remember. All I remember is that I did laugh quite a bit and went to see a movie with him. And I think I began to be enveloped by a 'warm glow' feeling.
This went on for about a week or 10 days. Again I do not remember. It was a short and sweet thing. It broke up one day when the guy confessed he was not looking at permanency of any kind, he was too young for it.
I was already feeling quite used by this time and though I could appreciate the guy's honesty, did not want to be involved in any 'casual fling'. So I broke it up with apparently some immature acts like paying back my share of the movie ticket. I also wanted to make a clean break so avoided all phone calls and attempts to connect. It was, I believed ( and still do) in our best mutual interest.
Several months later, with all my single girl friends married and I still single, I got into a depression. I had a few blackouts and was ordered to rest. My door bell rang one such gloomy evening and there was my valentine, telling me not to shut the door on his face and that he had only come to say goodbye.
After that he called me every year on my birthday for a few years. I never expected these calls and used to be pleasantly surprised by them and experience that warm glow feeling.
We lost touch and went on with our lives. I on my part am totally immersed being a good wife to my wonderful husband and mom to even more wonderful kids. They shower me with love and respect and I am certainly not deprived of any of these good things. Of course, I do occasionally spend some of the passion on my work :)
But when recently thanks to internet and facebook I connect with some old friends, some memories of the past come by I feel good. I stop the 'spot running' momentarily to smile and get enveloped by that 'warm glow' feeling
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