Yesterday I watched Vivah on Zee TV and then was subjected to a barrage of questions by my kids on what had happened when I met their Dad. This made me go back to my unfinished project ( the book that I will one day complete) and open the chapter on suitors. I had actually contemplated writing a book on this topic once upon a time.
I was very contemporary and always thought I would have a love marriage. When I was 28 and this was nowhere in sight, a well intentioned friend advocated placing a matrimonial ad.. So we drafted one creatively and placed the ad.
And then I was having quite a few interesting correspondences with eligible bachelors from the army, from the medical forces, from some corporate houses.
A doctor from UP was the first to come ‘see’ me. On the day he was supposed to arrive at about 10, the doorbell rang at 7 and there he was just to tell me he had arrived and would be back on schedule.
I made a mess of the lunch which he sportingly had and at the end of the meal, signified his approval of the match. I was to put it mildly, quite overwhelmed. I hummed and hawed and said we did not really ‘know’ each other and maybe we should give it a month.
In the month that followed, there was no word from him. And so I put his picture in an envelop and posted it back to him. Almost by return mail the picture came back with a letter from him telling me he had given me a month because he thought I needed to think and to look at his picture and deliberate. If pictures could talk, I would have
There was a doctor from the Army who I exchanged mail with who was quite sure I would be bored in the armed forces. He was right I think.
And there was a professor I met in a bookshop. I had no idea how he looked and he had set up a code. I was supposed to ask, “Excuse me do you have the time on you?” to anyone I thought was him and if it was him, he would say, “Yes and the inclination too”. . We had coffee in the India Coffee House on Janpath and I enjoyed his company immensely but could not imagine being married to him. I think the feeling was mutual. We used to write to each other for a time after that.
Then there were some creepy ones like the one from a newspaper group. He looked decent was a vegetarian and a teetotaler who called himself a Sai Baba bhakt. But we later heard some not very pleasant stories about him.
I think I was pretty unsensitive to some too. There was a guy who came around to see me one afternoon who I just did not meet. I hid in my friend's house till he went away. And some were insensitive to me. Like the guy I was supposed to meet in Mumbai on my way to Lonavla. Though I made a special stop in Mumbai, he did not do so.
There was a guy my mom really liked, but I did not because I put him up in a hotel and arranged for a day out and the guy just accepted it all as hospitality. In hindsight, maybe there was nothing wrong with that. But I thought it not manly enough. I guess it is a constant process of evaluation in arranged matches. Sometimes you think you are done with your evaluation and presume the other has too. You let down your guard too soon.
Like when I was asked to go spend a day with a prospective MIL in Gujarat. The house was full of stuffed toys which she made. Not only that, cootchie-cooed with. I think I failed that evaluation, because my transparent face may have shown my wandering thoughts on how to deal with the stuffed toys issue if this thing progressed further.
At 33, I was sure I was going to be a spinster forever. And was wondering how I could be a sweet old un-embittered one.
And then I met my future husband
I thought he was a thoroughly pleasant chap. My only objection was that he was too fat. My mom told me that could be easily taken care of. She must be eating her words to this day. Because all of us have grown fat with him.
We did not decide immediately of course. He came down to meet me Standing on the banks of the river Chambal , I felt utterly comfortable in the thought of being married to this man and spending my life with him. This was the feeling that was missing with all the other guys I had seen so far.
I was very contemporary and always thought I would have a love marriage. When I was 28 and this was nowhere in sight, a well intentioned friend advocated placing a matrimonial ad.. So we drafted one creatively and placed the ad.
And then I was having quite a few interesting correspondences with eligible bachelors from the army, from the medical forces, from some corporate houses.
A doctor from UP was the first to come ‘see’ me. On the day he was supposed to arrive at about 10, the doorbell rang at 7 and there he was just to tell me he had arrived and would be back on schedule.
I made a mess of the lunch which he sportingly had and at the end of the meal, signified his approval of the match. I was to put it mildly, quite overwhelmed. I hummed and hawed and said we did not really ‘know’ each other and maybe we should give it a month.
In the month that followed, there was no word from him. And so I put his picture in an envelop and posted it back to him. Almost by return mail the picture came back with a letter from him telling me he had given me a month because he thought I needed to think and to look at his picture and deliberate. If pictures could talk, I would have
There was a doctor from the Army who I exchanged mail with who was quite sure I would be bored in the armed forces. He was right I think.
And there was a professor I met in a bookshop. I had no idea how he looked and he had set up a code. I was supposed to ask, “Excuse me do you have the time on you?” to anyone I thought was him and if it was him, he would say, “Yes and the inclination too”. . We had coffee in the India Coffee House on Janpath and I enjoyed his company immensely but could not imagine being married to him. I think the feeling was mutual. We used to write to each other for a time after that.
Then there were some creepy ones like the one from a newspaper group. He looked decent was a vegetarian and a teetotaler who called himself a Sai Baba bhakt. But we later heard some not very pleasant stories about him.
I think I was pretty unsensitive to some too. There was a guy who came around to see me one afternoon who I just did not meet. I hid in my friend's house till he went away. And some were insensitive to me. Like the guy I was supposed to meet in Mumbai on my way to Lonavla. Though I made a special stop in Mumbai, he did not do so.
There was a guy my mom really liked, but I did not because I put him up in a hotel and arranged for a day out and the guy just accepted it all as hospitality. In hindsight, maybe there was nothing wrong with that. But I thought it not manly enough. I guess it is a constant process of evaluation in arranged matches. Sometimes you think you are done with your evaluation and presume the other has too. You let down your guard too soon.
Like when I was asked to go spend a day with a prospective MIL in Gujarat. The house was full of stuffed toys which she made. Not only that, cootchie-cooed with. I think I failed that evaluation, because my transparent face may have shown my wandering thoughts on how to deal with the stuffed toys issue if this thing progressed further.
At 33, I was sure I was going to be a spinster forever. And was wondering how I could be a sweet old un-embittered one.
And then I met my future husband
I thought he was a thoroughly pleasant chap. My only objection was that he was too fat. My mom told me that could be easily taken care of. She must be eating her words to this day. Because all of us have grown fat with him.
We did not decide immediately of course. He came down to meet me Standing on the banks of the river Chambal , I felt utterly comfortable in the thought of being married to this man and spending my life with him. This was the feeling that was missing with all the other guys I had seen so far.
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